Life in Mexico


What you can’t see in this photo are the hundreds of tiny ants crawling all over my bowl of cereal. You’d think that after 4.5 years of living in the tropics, I would stop being surprised by things like this and start putting my cereal in plastic containers and/or the fridge. That’s what you’d think, but you’d be wrong.

Looking at this photo, I noticed two things about Lucky Charms that I hadn’t noticed before, despite the great number of boxes I can kill in a month:

1. They’ve added a marshmallow hourglass Lucky Charm. I’m on board with this, provided it is merely an addition and they do not take away any of my pink hearts, yellow moons, green clovers, or blue diamonds.

2. They mention that it is made with wheat cereal grains (Hecho con Cereal Integral). So that must mean it’s super healthy, right?

How can I be expected to produce the long blog post that’s coming later today without breakfast? I’m going in search of huevos rancheros or chilaquiles; they better be magically delicious or my Monday’s ruined.

Because I’ve been working my ass off and am also chronically lazy, lethargic, and useless, M. and I found ourselves without anything in the house to eat for dinner last night.  While we live near many restaurants and we do have a Hogar Pizza a block from our house, we were both so exhausted and the weather so chilly (68 degrees!  Criminy!) that that measly block felt like a vast frozen tundra that neither of us had the courage to cross.  We sat stupefied for about half an hour, starving, until eventually  I faced the fact that my attempt at using the Jedi Mind Trick to make food materialize in our house wasn’t working.

Then, we suddenly got the bright idea to order a large half pepperoni/half sausage pizza from Domino’s because they deliver.  Let the pizza man freeze on his little moped, who cares?!  I just reminded myself of something funny (strange, not ha ha).  Virtually no pizza joints or delivery restaurants in Playa will deliver food to you when it’s raining.  They just say Nope, sorry. So they refuse to deliver during the times when you are MOST LIKELY to want delivery.  Boggling.  I’ve had pizza delivered in Chicago during a blizzard, for chrissakes.

Since my Spanish is better than M.’s (face it, sweetie, it is), I’m the Official Take Out Orderer in our household.  I went through the typically painful process of straining to understand rapid-fire, garbled Spanish, carefully spelling my strange foreign name 6 times, and answering the laundry list of questions about my order and the exact location of the house:  It’s on this street, in between this street and this street, Casa #3, it’s an orange house across the street from a condo building, there is a blue van parked in the driveway, my neighbor has a dog that will bark, there is an old car wash on the corner, etc. I’m not kidding, they INSIST that you give them multiple landmarks so that they can be sure to find your house, and yet STILL the delivery man will simply drive up and down your street honking his horn until you run out to flag him down.

The pizza arrived fairly quickly and we were pleasantly surprised until we heard the total.  Are you ready for this?

230 pesos before tip.  Two Hundred.  And Thirty.  Pesos!  BEFORE TIP! Dudes, that is like 20 bucks for a crappy Domino’s pizza!  We paid it, obviously, because we had ordered it, but that stupid pizza nearly got us into a blowout fight.

I will NEVER order Domino’s pizza here again. Never.  And I swear, no matter how tired or cold I am, I’m going to the grocery store tonight.

Yesterday, my friend Sara and I started preparing for our Halloween night by putting together a little pre-party for our group. Once again, Anna and James were gracious enough to allow me to use their home as “Halloween Central.” We had 7 of us all dressing up as characters from Rocky Horror Picture Show. Our timing was pretty good; I’ve just heard the horrific news that a remake is in the works, with (I’ve heard) Marilyn Manson as Dr. Frank ‘N’ Furter. Yuck.

Here are just a few photos to start.


Sara made Toxic Punch and I threw in some disembodied ice hands


Putrid Jack O’Lantern Puke, garnished with bones


Horrible Ham Head that I made (doesn’t it look like one of the Sand People from Star Wars?)


Another picture of the punch because I just think those hands are so freaking cool looking.


On the left you see the Acne and Pus filled skin rollups. Also known as spicy crab/cream cheese rolls.


We really get into our Halloween.


Photo by my friend, Susie Q.  I was so proud of Frank ‘N’ Furter’s makeup. I’m no Martina, but not bad for an amateur. Michael was a real trooper, clunking around in men’s size 11 glitter heels all night. What was funniest for me was still how “guy” his walk was. After last night, I’m pretty sure now that I can make him do anything.

More to come. I have to let my hangover subside a bit more. Oy.

Constant, unrelenting rain for about three weeks has led me to an almost physical craving for these two articles of clothing. They are so good-looking I want to eat them, and I would if I could.


Damn you, adorable tattoo rain boots!


Curse you, sassy red shiny rain coat!

A pox on both of you brazen hussies! You put lust in my heart, and wilt thou leave me thus unsatisfied in this land devoid of shopping options and shoes in my size? Begone, out of my sight, I tell you.

And off I go in my flip flops, flinging muddy water onto the backs of my calves with every step. Ah, life in Paradise.

I interrupt your wait for my 2nd HS reunion post and more Halloween costume pics to bring you this “normal life” post.

I discovered that I had an infection in a tooth I’d had a root canal in over 20 years ago. There wasn’t any pain or blatant signs of infection, so I didn’t notice it until it had gotten so bad the tooth had to be pulled. I then put it off for a month, since I had my vacation to go on and my HS reunion to attend and I didn’t want to go looking all toothless and country. My sister called me “vain,” and I agree with her assessment completely, but want to add that in my opinion there are enough toothless people in Lake County, IL without my adding to their ranks.

Tuesday after work, I went to see my dentista, Dr. Jorge Armenta, whose office is on Avenida 30 and the corner of Calle 6. Dr. Armenta has been my dentist since I moved here and is absolutely wonderful, very gentle and soothing. His office is small, but he goes out of his way to accommodate your needed appointment times and is available by cell phone almost anytime.


Pointing to my left 2nd rear molar for the last time. It had a porcelain crown on it that closely matched the color of my other teeth, so imagine my shock when I saw what the “underneath” parts of a tooth look like. I couldn’t bring myself to take pictures of that ugly brownish-yellow thing.


During the 6 minutes or so I sat in Dr. Armenta’s waiting room, my nervous ass must have read every word on that restaurant billboard across the street about 324 times.

Dr. Armenta, doing his GQ pose as I demanded. He’s handsome and kind.


He did another x-ray just so I could show it to you on my blog. I don’t know if you can tell, but the infection ate away a lot of the roots of the capped tooth, as well as some of the surrounding bone in my jaw. When Dr. Armenta finally got the tooth out, it pulled all of the infection with it, and since he knows how fascinated I am with gross things, he showed me the pus sac and everything. It was cool, but then I felt a little faint and had to lie back down.


The executioner posing for a photo with me just before the beheading.


I’m not that happy at the dentist; even for cleanings I grip my hands together very tightly. Michael was amused to see that during an extraction, I also hold my feet at weird angles and move them around from side to side.

The procedure itself wasn’t too bad. I had so much Novocaine I couldn’t feel my mouth for the next 4 hours. Dr. Armenta is so deft with the shots that I never felt a thing. He told me that he’s so good at them because in dental school, he and his best friend practiced on each other over and over again.

The worst thing about the extraction was the sort of ripping sound it made when he pried the tooth out of my jaw. I wasn’t too keen on the “shaving of the jawbone” part, either, but in almost no time, it was done and I was home with my painkillers and antibiotics.

Dr. Armenta is easily the best dentist I’ve ever had and I’ve never had a bad experience in his dental chair. Maybe because Dr. Armenta is not just my dentist, he’s also my good friend, Jorge:


In addition to dental school, I’m pretty sure he also attended Master Barbecuing School. Thanks, Jorge, I’ll see you on Saturday!

(*this is what time the Chinese man went to the dentist)

At Mazatlan Nancy’s request (she’s right, I did promise), here are more photos of past Halloweens in Playa del Carmen.


2007 This Day of the Dead makeup was EXCELLENT


Inside La Ranita bar, part of the hotel La Rana Cansada on Calle 10 between Avenidas 5 and 10

The mummy really impressed me…totally wrapped up, so how to use the bathroom?

Bloody Mary Keersten, as one of the cocktail girls who one first prize. She made the whole room smell deliciously of celery. Margarita Girl Natalia is in the background.


Someone please explain to me how she manages to still look so pretty with that makeup on.


I was dressed as Princess Leia this night, so that Jedi demanded a photo with me after this one.


Drunk Britney almost drops Sean Preston and the paparazzi catches it all on film

This disgusting male tourist from hell is actually a stunningly beautiful, smart woman doctor!

More to come! 17 days left!

Here are some more costumes, all from Playa del Carmen.


My beautiful friend Sarah as Carmen Miranda in 2006.  My talented friend Susie made the outfit and I made the hat.  We are gooooood, people.


2007

Tequila Sunrise Susan and Naughty Cop Sara, 2007

I love Halloween. I’m not kidding, I LOVE it. NO ONE loves Halloween as much as I do. Except maybe my friend Sara, I’ll at least acknowledge that her Halloween fervor might begin to approach mine. We wait all year for it to be October, no joke. By November 1st or 2nd, we already know what our costumes for the next year will be. I think you get the picture.

Halloween in Playa del Carmen has grown in popularity every year since I’ve been here–not just among expatriate locals as might be expected, but among Mexican locals as well. The Halloween thing creeps in, but is still kept totally separate from Day of the Dead observances (which here in PdC seem to be more private, family affairs, apart from the big altars you’ll see here and there around town).

This will be my 5th Halloween in PdC. One of my favorite things about living here is that Halloween is actually celebrated ON Halloween, October 31st. Even if that means going out on a Monday or Tuesday. My least favorite thing is how hard it is here to find costumes and accessories. Thrift stores were always my “go-to” spot for ideas, but we don’t have thrift stores here. The costume aisles in the stores grow each year, but the favored costumes among Mexicans are traditional “scary” Halloween costumes and the blood/guts stuff isn’t my favorite. Often my friends and I avail ourselves of kind “mules” who bring wigs or costumes down for us from the US or Canada. The bright side is that people have to get creative here so you never know what you’ll see on Calle 10 on Halloween night.

I’m going to post at least one picture of a Halloween costume every day this month. If you’re not a Halloween person, you will be by the time this month is over. Or you’ll want to kill me, whichever.

I’ll start by posting our costumes for the past 4 Halloweens in Playa del Carmen.


This was our first Halloween here, in 2004. I was unprepared and so just dressed Michael like an old guy and I was his gold-digging, trash trophy wife. It took me forever to find a wig; finally found one at a BRIDAL SHOP in Cancun and it cost almost 50 bucks! I loaned it to my friend later and her dog ate it. I was so pissed.


2005, White Trash. This was one of my favorites because of how easy it was for me to put my costume together. Michael’s costume was brought down, but mine came straight out of either Chedraui or my own closet. I got to wear house slippers, too…no killing my feet like I normally do on Halloween. This costume elicited more laughs than I’ve ever gotten for a costume, it was a fun night. My favorite part of the night had to be when we asked one of our Mexican friends if he knew what we were supposed to be (not knowing if the phenomenon of “white trash” was something that would translate). He looked hard at us, scratched his chin for a second, and said, “Yes! Jerry Springer’s guests!”


2006, one of my least-creative years. Hey, even a Halloween junkie gets tired sometimes.


2007, Princess Leia and Han Solo (we didn’t know the Darth Maul between us). This costume fulfilled a couple of my childhood fantasies. I’m an intermediate-level Star Wars geek.

More Halloween costumes to come!

I’ve got a couple of friends who are Cubs fans like me. One of them was sitting in Wrigley Field watching tonight’s first post-season game and the other was sitting in a bar 7 blocks from my house. During Cubs games, we keep in touch via text messaging.  I thought it might be amusing to transcribe all of the messages I sent during the game.

Warning: Lots of F-bombs, but if you’re a Cubs fan or you know me even just a little, that will come as NO surprise.

Fuck yeah, DeRosa!
6.10 pm

Phew!
6.26 pm

I hate the fuckin’ hop!
6.29 pm

Nah, I don’t hate the hop as much as I love Derrek Lee’s ass
6.33 pm

Fuck fuck fuck!
7.11 pm

Fuckin’ Dempster!
7.15 pm

Fuckin’ Cubs!

7.53 pm

WTF?! They are playing like Little Leaguers!
8.05 pm

I’m disgusted. Seriously.

8.20 pm

Are you kidding me?!!
8.29 pm

Fucking kill me.
8.35 pm

It’s fucking Maddux, are you KIDDING me?! He’s older than me, for fuck’s sake! WTF are they afraid of?
8.48 pm

Why do I fall for this bullshit ever fckn year?
8.49 pm

Next sound you hear: cork popping from the second bottle of wine as a bereft, foul-mouthed woman in Mexico drowns her sorrow as her beloved team loses yet AGAIN.

Lou, c’mon now. Where was the fire? The spark? The joy, excitement? You better show me something tomorrow or I promise you, my language will only get fouler.

My friend Adam is so funny…after the Cubs lost, he sent me a final text telling me that it was just like I was there (since the Cubs historically lose EVERY time I’m at a game). Grrr.

So Adam, John B…are we on for tomorrow’s game or what? My phone has plenty of airtime.

Although we’re still unsure of a name for Ol’ Blue (I’m leaning toward “Stella Blue”), I’ve already started dreaming of fabric for curtains. M. is cautioning me that we can’t afford to redo the interior yet and I know he’s right, but I can be ready for when the time comes, right?

Since our vehicle is such a headturner (seriously, on its journey from the shop to our home I watched every single person we passed do a double take), we thought it would be prudent for us to make side logo magnets for our business with contact info. Here are the colors in our logo (taken from the header of my website, not the exact logo of course):

Here are some of the fabrics that have caught my eye. I’ll post my three favorites first, but I’ve numbered them all so that you can mention in the comments which one you like the best. I take all of your suggestions seriously. Well, except yours, Jerry and Rob, since you’re so anti-hippie.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Ok, that is it so far. The Frida fabric is a bit too kitschy, but I do like kitschy and I thought it deserved a vote. My least favorite is number 10, I think. Can you tell I like the turquoise/orange color combo?

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