I didn’t want to blog about it for a number of reasons.  First, I didn’t want to scare people who love me.  Second, with a fledgling business, I did not want to alienate potential or current clients who might stumble across this blog and not want to work with me.  Although I have always done what I can to keep my professional life OFF this blog, I’m not obtuse enough not to know how easy it is to find me with a google search.  Finally, the worthlessness and despair I felt was so complete as to render any attempts at trying to make sense of it moot, and I could not then and still cannot find the words to describe how bad I felt.

Long time readers of this blog already know that in the last year, I’ve made a number of major life changes, with extremely positive results.  I am, and have been for almost a year, the happiest I have ever been.  While I still struggle from time to time with depression, I recognize the signs now and can quickly mend the things that are amiss and change my thought patterns to feel better.  Recently, it occurred to me that for the first time in my life, I know myself to be a happy person who sometimes gets sad, and not a sad person who is only occasionally happy.  The incredibly positive change this self-realization has effected in my life cannot be overstated.

All of this said, in the last month I have struggled mightily with insomnia, which for me is often a precursor to slipping into a depression.  Several nights ago, when it was five am and I still had not been able to close my eyes without being visited by the Shrieking Weasels of Impending Doom, I decided to do some research on a life-affirming movement I’d heard about a few years ago:  The Free Hugs Campaign.

In 2004, a man who identifies himself as Juan Mann found himself in his hometown of Sydney, Australia, after a number of years living in another country.  He arrived back “home” with only a suitcase of clothes, a world of cares, and a sense of disconnection with the life he’d once lived there.  Landing at the airport with no one to greet him, he found himself looking longingly at other travelers around him who were laughing and hugging their arriving loved ones.  He wished  he had someone to hug him.

In this moment of isolation and despair was born a revolutionary idea.  Juan Mann “set up shop” in a busy Sydney outdoor mall, holding aloft a large, hand-lettered sign that said “FREE HUGS.”  Then he just waited for someone to take him up on his offer.  At first, people laughed at him, stared, and whispered.  Eventually, an older woman came up, told him she was having a terrible day as her dog had just died that morning, on the first anniversary of her daughter’s death.  She needed a hug, and Juan had a hug to give.  It didn’t take long for others to follow suit, and naturally such a subversive idea (What??  You’re not selling anything?  There’s no catch, just a free hug?) caught people’s attention.

A local band, Sick Puppies, was moved by Juan’s mission and presented him with a video they’d made of his Free Hug footage set to one of their songs.  This video became an internet sensation, spawning Free Hug Campaigns in dozens of countries all over the world.

Here you can watch the “original” Free Hugs video:

And here is one of my favorites of the “copycat” Free Hugs Campaigns, in New York City:

What does all of this have to do with me and my story of depression?  Perhaps nothing more than an epiphany that we are all more alike than we are different, and that it is vitally important that we connect with each other and help each other get through lives that can at times be difficult, lonely, or filled with hopelessness.  We must be there for one another both in sadness and in joy.

Every year, International Free Hugs Day is held on the first Saturday in July.  This year, it is July 3, which is incidentally the day before my 6 year anniversary of living in Mexico.  I will be showing my gratitude and love for my adopted country by participating in Free Hugs Day in Playa del Carmen on July 3, offering free hugs to Mexican locals, ex-pats, and international tourists alike.

I would love it if some of my friends would join me, but if they won’t, I will go it alone.  If you can’t be in Playa del Carmen on July 3, consider participating in the Free Hugs Campaign in your own town.

Anyone from Cancun, Playa del Carmen, or Tulum (or anywhere in the area!) who’d like to give out some free hugs with me on July 3 can contact me via this website.  My email address is under the “About Me” tab.

I love you.

Today I went in search of a song to make some sense of the grief and sorrow I have been feeling the last few days on behalf of a good friend, and this song appeared; like Jack’s magic beans it grew a beanstalk that I was able to climb up high to get the bigger picture.

“Do you Realize” by The Flaming Lips

This song reminded me that “life goes fast,” and that rather than wait until it’s almost over to tell people how I feel, I should let them know all along, in the midst of life and for no other reason and with no other agenda apart from letting them know they are loved.

And so I am here to tell you that I love you.

If you have wiped a child’s runny nose, mooed when driving past cows, sung a song in public to your best friend even though you have the world’s worst singing voice, or given up a seat on a bus to a pregnant woman, I love you.

If you have ever made a fool of yourself dancing at a wedding reception, used the word “emancipated” in place of of “emaciated,” or written an entire record of songs to win back the love of your life, I love you.

If you have accidentally farted in church or in class, slipped on ice and fallen down, realized at the end of the day that your shirt is on inside out, or gotten caught picking your nose, I love you.

If you have cried in movies, patiently listened to an elderly person’s story though you’ve already heard it many times, stood up to a bully, or admitted you were wrong when you were wrong, I love you.

If you have looked into the cancer-ravaged, age-spotted face of your grandmother and told her she was beautiful, and really did find her beautiful, I love you.

If you have worn a hideous sweater your mom gave you because you don’t have the heart to tell her how much you hate it, I love you.

If you have complimented a stranger for no reason, I love you.

If you have ever loved a dog so much you knew when it was time to let her go, even if you weren’t yet ready, I love you.

Do you realize what I am telling you?  I love you.

I said I love you.

Kiss deserved every accolade and prize they won that night…they were fantastic.  Costumes totally homemade with bits and pieces of various items (tubing, garden hose), covered in lots of glitter and spray paint.  Phenomenal job, guys.

I thought my costume turned out pretty well, too…it sure was a handful of hours and two burned-out glue guns to get all those feathers onto the fan.  Kudos to my friend Anita, who brought me 100 peacock tail feathers and the blue wig; all the rest was scrounged up here.  I was lucky enough to win the Best Female Costume contest at Luna Blue Bar, 500 pesos!! I also won a free dive with Abyss Dive Shop from La Ranita Bar (but I don’t dive, is anyone interested?).

I am so naughty…the look on Centaur Corbin’s face cracks me UP.

I just love how Playenses really get into their costumes.

Dick in a Box

I was kind of trapped outside most of the bars…the tail was great, but I think I’ll go with something easier to manage next year.

If you’d like to learn more about the history and current mission/goals of the Riviera Maya Bomberos organization, here is a video of the incomparable Comandante/Director Brian Borjesson

Thanks again, from the bottom of my heart, for your continued support of the Riviera Maya Bomberos.  Hopefully we will never need them, but it’s reassuring to know we’ve got them on our side.

In the meantime, enjoy my friends’ new video. It cracked me up.

Local H, Machine Shed Wrestling

When I saw the photos we took of our wine/Almond Joy/gummi bear/Hershey’s bacchanalia, I couldn’t help but think that these photos would show all of our Three Legged Race sponsors just what an Olympics-quality team they’re standing behind.

For anyone considering sponsoring us, don’t miss your chance to win a date with these chicas by being the highest individual donor; they truly know how to have a good time.  Our friend Maureen saw these photos and said we remind her of Lucy and Ethel.  That was one of the greatest compliments I’ve ever gotten…Sara and I crack each other up.

I don’t feeeel so good.

I’m not sleeping, I’m just resting my eyes.

Do we have anything in our teeth?

If you’d like to sponsor our team and raise money for Firemen who desperately need you, please donate by going to www.PayPal.com and clicking on the link that says “send money.” Then just follow the prompts to donate directly to us by using the following email address:

info@caribesunrise.com

Please be sure to write in your comments/subject line “Three Legged Race.” We will keep you updated with donation totals.

For further information or to register your team please call: 984-135-1233 or e-mail:

kegsbar@hotmail.com

We are also taking business/corporate sponsors!!  Contact us at info@caribesunrise.com or editor@playamayanews.com if you’d like to be mentioned on Playa Maya News, Playa.info, and Heather in Paradise!!

Sara and I, two of the finest and most obnoxious chicks in Playa, will take the highest individual donor out for a dinner date at El Fogon restaurant the next time they are in Playa.

Check these bitches out.  You can’t find a better deal than this on no mofo craigslist.

If you’d like to sponsor our team and raise money for Firemen who desperately need you, please donate by going to www.PayPal.com and clicking on the link that says “send money.” Then just follow the prompts to donate directly to us by using the following email address:

info@caribesunrise.com

Please be sure to write in your comments/subject line “Three Legged Race.” We will keep you updated with donation totals.

For further information or to register your team please call: 984-135-1233 or e-mail:

kegsbar@hotmail.com

We are also taking business/corporate sponsors!!  Contact us at info@caribesunrise.com or editor@playamayanews.com if you’d like to be mentioned on Playa Maya News, Playa.info, and Heather in Paradise!!

In his years acting as Comandante of the Bomberos, my friend Brian Borjesson has taken a small and ill-equipped fireteam and created a knowledgeable and well-trained department. In addition, he has favorably impacted the training and supplies/equipment of fire departments throughout Quintana Roo. He has done this through the help of some US firefighters from Colorado and California, who come down each year with donations and their top-shelf expertise to train the Bomberos of Quintana Roo at a Fireman’s Academy. This weeklong training exercise is often the only training our firemen will get all year, so its importance cannot be overstated.

In past years, our area was gifted with Jaws of Life for several departments. With the horrific accidents that occur on the highway here, this equipment has already proved invaluable. The annual Bomberos’ Academies focus on training our firemen how to use their newly donated/purchased equipment, and their demonstrations of these techniques at the Fireman’s Competitions are inspiring to watch.

The time for the infamous Three Legged Bar Crawl/Bomberos Fundraiser is again upon us. Here are the details of this year’s event:

When: Friday, March 20.
Time: 7 pm
Starting/ending bar: La Ranita bar on Calle 10 between 5th and 10th (part of the Hotel La Rana Cansada)

Participating bars include:
Bar Ranita
Babe’s Noodles and Bar
Manne’s Biergarten
Dirty Martini
Bad Boys on the beach
Tequila Barrel
Zenzi
Tequila Barrel

Registered teams must raise at least 600 pesos in donations. Part of this 600 pesos will go to purchase the drinks for the teams, with the balance going to help raise funds for the upcoming Bombero’s Academy. Obviously, the more money raised, the better!

As last year, there is no set pattern/order that you must run in, but you must simply visit each bar on your list at some point, consume a shot of tequila or a beer, then get your race card signed/initialed by the staff member in charge at each bar.

Sara’s and my goal this year is to raise more than last year’s team total of an amazing 3,800 usd…what do you think, can we do it?

We wore silly getups, does anyone remember them?

Last year, my “gimp in a wheelchair” status caused some disgruntled sourpusses to pooh-pooh our participation, so I want to make it clear that I will be actually RUNNING with Sara this year, barring any unforeseen accidents between now and then, of course.  I’ll have my RIGHT leg tied, however, since my left ankle healed improperly and I still limp.  Even with a LIMP I’m still bad ass, y’all.  Fear me.

As is par for the course, we will be wearing some sort of interesting costume. If you can come out to see what we’re planning this year, I’m sure you won’t be disappointed!

If any of you are interested in helping Sara and me to collect money for this event, please donate by going to www.PayPal.com and clicking on the link that says “send money.” Then just follow the prompts to donate directly to us by using the following email address:

info@caribesunrise.com

Please be sure to write in your comments/subject line “Three Legged Race.” We will keep you updated with donation totals.

For further information or to register your team please call: 984-135-1233 or e-mail:

kegsbar@hotmail.com

We are also taking business/corporate sponsors!!  Contact us at info@caribesunrise.com or editor@playamayanews.com if you’d like to be mentioned on Playa Maya News, Playa.info, and Heather in Paradise!!

P.S.  I do NOT promise not to make any jokes that others will find “offensive” in my blog recap of this hilarious event.  So suck it.

At the end of the night, we said our goodbyes and I trudged the 2 blocks home through driving 75 degree winds. I’d been home about 10 minutes when I suddenly heard a pitiful voice crying from my gate, “Heather!”

Imagine my surprise and supreme amusement to see one of my friends (I won’t say which one, but it was my best friend and her name rhymes with “Mara”) standing outside my gate, covered head to foot in chocolate.

“No one will pick me up!” she wailed, almost on the verge of tears. My friend lives way on the other side of the highway and had been trying to flag a taxi while her still liquid and unwieldy pans of fudge leaked all over her.

After I stopped clutching my sides and rolling around all over the ground with laughter, I put her in the truck and drove her home. Fortunately, I had my camera with me and was able to snap off a few shots before she wrested the camera away from me. They’re not great because I was driving stick shift and maniacally laughing the whole time.

Man, roll down the window, you REEK of chocolate!!
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Aww, she’s waving at me.

Good lord, sometimes I truly love having a blog.

It seems to me that most people have a social filter that prevents them from saying or doing certain things. I’m not sure I have ever had such a filter. My family has always looked to me to be the “entertainment” at parties and around them, being funny comes naturally to me. In social situations, when I am among people with whom I feel comfortable, there is virtually nothing I will not do to score a laugh, especially at my own expense. I get drunk on the feeling I get from making people laugh, it’s an indescribable drug high.

I can trace where it comes from and it’s such a boring, oft-told story. My dad checked out early, my mom was young and doing her own thing, and I grew up looking for attention wherever I could find it until I found something that stuck. The hackneyed sad clown going through her routines, wearing big shoes and a giant daisy that squirts water.

The truth is, I frequently suffer from social anxiety and sometimes, the only way out for me is to put on the clown suit. Drinking a couple of shots helps, too. There are aspects of me that wish I was the quiet, shy person sitting in the corner, drinking it all in. Listening and laughing, not feeling the compulsion to say something, anything. I am exhausting to be around, I know it.

Once, in anger, someone who loves me told me that I’m “loud and never let anyone else talk.” This hurt desperately to hear; hit harder than a punch in the jaw, probably because it’s more true than I like to admit.

Tuesday night, my friend Michele recorded the tail end of a little “skit” I came up with as our friend Chris Bolister sang “Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” I don’t know why, but I pretended to “sign” the song along with him the way you sometimes see on television. It took me a while to get the courage, but I finally watched the entire video, cringing the whole time. I considered asking her to remove it from you tube, but after thinking about it for a long time, I figured, fuck it. I am who I am. Warts and all.

Yes, I’m loud and yes, I’m embarrassing. But I do promise to let you talk, at least once in a while. So you better have something funny to say.