Posted by: heatherinparadise | January 25, 2012

Unicorn Seeks Unicorn

Prior to the last year or so, I’ve never really dated.  I was a serial monogamist–a good girlfriend, meeting my long term boyfriends at work or through friends.  My last relationship, I was friends with the man for a time and then one day realized I liked him liked him.  So I’m fairly inexperienced at the whole single dating scene and I have come to realize one very important thing about myself:  I hate dating.  I mean, I HATE it–more than exercise, more than dieting. I hate dating more than I hate things touching me in the ocean.

In the last year, I’ve gone on dates where the man was 30 minutes late and showed up wearing a multicolored vest.  I’ve had dates where the man was clearly unshowered, a date with a man with bad breath, with a man who told me my D-cup breasts were small (REALLY?!  How big do you want them to be, jeez?!).  I dated a man who told me he didn’t believe male dogs should be neutered, only females, and a man who told me he didn’t ‘believe’ in using condoms (uhhhh…bye bye).  In short, I’ve gone on some  bad dates with men with whom I’m truly incompatible.  I’ve  had ONE great date in the last year, and it was with someone who lives thousands of miles away, so the prospects of a 2nd date are slim, until such time as he comes to visit.

Ironically, it was something my last bad date said that stopped me in my tracks and made me vow to stop kissing frogs.  We were having dinner at my place–I cooked one of those rare, stellar meals where everything came out perfectly–and he stopped in the middle of our conversation and said, ‘Heather, you really impress me.  You’re smart, beautiful, funny, well-traveled, and you can even cook.  You’re really impressive, the whole package.”  I thanked him for the compliment, but later he committed several of the sins I mentioned above (I won’t say which) and I decided not to see him again.

Because he’s right; I am the whole package.  I’m not perfect, but I’m most of the things he mentioned and even more, and I’m always working hard on bettering myself.  Why would I waste my time with someone who doesn’t bring his A game?  I’m not second string, why have I been dating the bench sitters?  It’s not easy to find a good man in Playa del Carmen, but you know what, it’s not easy to find a good girl, either.  I’m rare as a unicorn and until such time as another unicorn appears, I’m not interested in dating at all.

I’m officially off the dating market.  I’m marrying myself. We get along well and the sex is great–and I promise never to leave myself.


  1. Not just good for you, GREAT for you, Heather. I too went down the frog-strewn path last year, operating on a three-strike rule (three dates is enough to tell) and had some real doozies. (The guy who showed = up late AND drunk for a first date was just the tip of the iceberg.) In August, through eHarmony of all ridiculous things, I finally met a great guy. Things are going well. But I’ll tell you, it took a while for me to see what you have seen about being the entire package. Hugs to you.

  2. I love this post!!! You are definitely the whole package, and one of the prettiest unicorns I know!!

  3. “I’ve had dates…with a man who told me my D-cup breasts were small…”

    Was this on a first date?

    • No, if it had been said on a first date, there wouldn’t have been a 2nd or 3rd.

  4. Fortunately I know for a fact that I haven’t been one of your bad dates, but it sucks to be ruled out… On the bright side: good for you, Heather! You do deserve someone who mirrors you. (-:

  5. Again, separated at birth. We share the same exact problem and even use the same phrase, “unicorn”. (I still battle with the period being on the inside of the quotation marks.) It doesn’t seem to be any easier to find that unicorn (who isn’t taken, married, going through a divorce, etc.) in the States. I don’t date – tried it again last year – hated it just as much as I did before. Working on acceptance of some things…like being a spinster and dressing up my cat. I pretend not to hope that it could change. I hope your unicorn comes trotting along on the beach for you.

  6. Heather – Love often happens when you least expect it. Take it easy and don’t give up.

  7. You should check out my friend’s blog “Totally Win at Love”. Seriously, if I was (shudder) dating, I’d follow her advice. She is in the process of writing a book.
    Hang in there!

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