In the two weeks I’ve been living my new life as an on-site “manager” at a private villa in Tulum, I have faced a number of challenges.
First, in the span of a week I decided to pack up and leave Playa for Tulum. And then I actually packed up and left Playa for Tulum, just like that; no fanfare, no crying, no going-away parties. Mostly I think this is because I don’t really feel as if I went away—it’s not like I moved to the moon, or whatever. The majority of my business is still Playa-related and I’ll see my friends often enough. My friends don’t even really like me that much, anyway. Plus, with the internet and Facebook, I’m able to keep in touch with them about as well as I kept up with them when I lived in Playa.
Second, I have had to learn to live completely alone. While I’ve always been a bit of a reclusive person, enjoying my alone time to an embarrassing degree, I’ve never been in a position where there was absolutely no chance that I could be with another human if I wanted to be. I live and work on this property and cannot leave it unattended, so without someone to relieve me, I don’t leave. Days could go by without my ever stepping foot off this land or seeing any people other than those who stroll by on the beach. What I find most interesting about this aspect of my new life is how well it suits me. I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m not the Kaczynski-hermit type who’s going to go mad someday and either stalk some D-list sitcom star no one cares about or mail shoe bombs to ex-lovers (oh, who are we kidding. Like I’d waste a perfectly good shoe.). People who once met me at a party will say, “Wow, well, I always knew she was a little different from other people, but I sure didn’t see this coming.”
Finally, I’ve had to tweak my desperately-held desire to view myself as a delicate little flower. Go ahead and laugh—I’m a 5’9” big girl with shoulders a HS linebacker would covet, so this desire to appear feminine is a tall order, especially when it’s totally incongruous with the stubborn mule in me who refuses to admit she needs help or that there’s something she can’t do. For at least the last 15 to 20 years, I’ve presented myself as both a giggly, know-nothing girl who can’t fix things or program her DVD player without the help of a man and an inordinately strong ox of a woman who can carry a refrigerator on her back and can change her own tire, thankyouverymuch.
What has been the best part of this dual-personality? I have historically been able to call in the girlie-girl when I just haven’t felt like doing something “guy-related.” But now, here in Tulum, I have to do it myself. The palm trees don’t give a shit if I don’t feel like hauling all those fronds over to the burn pile and the gasoline can isn’t going to weigh less and not be so spilly just because I sink to the ground and squeeze out a couple of girlie tears.
So basically, I’ve had to learn to suck it up, and in the process, I’m learning how much I can do. I’m afraid of heights, but I have climbed up a ladder onto the roof many times. I don’t like reading boring-ass equipment manuals, but I had to when faced with the initially-daunting prospect of running the generator and the water pump. Did you know that if I have to, I can move mattresses by myself? And that I can go an entire week without looking in a mirror? And that my hands smelling like gasoline doesn’t even phase me?
All of this has reminded me that this isn’t the first time I’ve been out of my comfort zone and succeeded. I was once a high school cheerleader and pageant queen who joined the Army, where I became my platoon’s machine-gunner, grenade aficionado, and competitive-as-fuck Soldier of the month.
Living here has put me back in touch with that fierce girl determined to show everyone what I am capable of, but at the same time, I refuse to coarsen my soft, flowery side. So while I’ll dress up pretty for you, cook you dinner, and give you a massage, it is at your peril to forget that I was also trained to kill. I don’t want to kill you, but I will if I have to.
Now, would someone please buy me this stuff for Christmas?
Oh darling! You are going to have to watch out or you will attract all the wrong gender. A girly girl who can dress pretty, cook and fix the generator? Not to mention the ones who will get all sweaty thinking about death by Heather. If those things were available in Mexico I’d get them for you, all I see down here in pink are skillets, irons and pancake flippers.
By: Jonna on December 9, 2009
at 4:13 am
Not one thing you said surprised me. Are you going to get a pink camoflauge Jeep too?
By: islagringo on December 9, 2009
at 9:54 am
IIf we buy you all this stuff we will have to call you Pinky!!LOL
By: Brenda on December 9, 2009
at 11:23 am
Last time I was at Walmart I was tempted to buy the pink tool set in the pink case but mom said it was all crappy tools. I was like but it’s pink!
Even my lab coat for micro this semester was not your typical plain white. It had pink skull fabric and polka dots all over it and my safety glasses are pink with rhinestones along the edges
By: teetle on December 9, 2009
at 11:39 am
A superb example of how to roll with the punches! Punch Back! Way to go……you just made me shape up by at least 50%!
By: Lisa on December 9, 2009
at 12:17 pm
Sheesh Heather… I can can relate to soooo much you’re saying there… except that I’m a guy and I don’t really fancy pink, that is.
By: TeeZet on December 9, 2009
at 12:28 pm
I am so happy to hear from you again! You a wonderful combination of strength and beauty.
By: jeanie on December 9, 2009
at 12:41 pm
It sounds like you really have your hands full, Heather. If I had to move a mattress, I’d probably put my back out, but you are young and strong and yes, as Rob Schneider says, “you can do it”!!! Although it sounds like a hard job, you seem to loving it.
By: darla on December 9, 2009
at 12:59 pm
Well, I’m a friend who does like you and always have. And I’ve known you since you were that cheerleader and Prince fanatic and avid reader and great writer and phenomenal wit and incisive thinker and very sensitive being who went off to the army and then on to many other adventures. We have many lives to live. May Tulum serve you well. H
By: Herb on December 9, 2009
at 1:03 pm
Ah, Herb, you made me weepy.
By: heatherinparadise on December 9, 2009
at 1:19 pm
I admire the hell out of you Heather. I have told you this before. Tulum will be good for you! You can handle these challenges well. Hugs, Alicia
By: Alicia on December 9, 2009
at 2:02 pm
You go girl! Glad to see you back here! Sounds like a perfect time for self rediscovery….you really never know what fate has in store around the next corner and with a heart like yours it should be freakin awesome….
By: victoria on December 9, 2009
at 2:28 pm
I think my earlier comment may have had HTML tags stripped out and thus lost the actual content of my comment.
This comic is what I was trying to post:
http://www.nataliedee.com/110607/susan-b-anthony-did-not-die-in-battle-so-i-could-fix-a-shelf-WITHOUT-my-pink-and-dainty-screwdriver.jpg
By: Zannie on December 9, 2009
at 4:29 pm
I’m green with envy. It’s gotten too easy, which is often what’s frustrating. I’ve decided Mexico is the Uncanny Valley. Perhaps I should abandon my comfy house and husband and go native. Some manual labor and ingenuity would do me so much good.
By: jillian on December 10, 2009
at 9:40 am
Heather, I have no doubts there will be movie about you one day and I can really see Drew Barrymore as the crazy lovable Heather Anderson. I saw a picture of her, Drew, the other day and instantly thought of you. Hope to see you on your next visit to Playa. You did know Bolister will be back in Playa the 12th-yep tomorrow.
By: Monica on December 11, 2009
at 2:36 pm
Heathah, I am sooo proud of and tickled for you! …and envious of you and wish I had your shoes – the badass ones ‘cuz you’re not gonna need them for shimmying up palm trees.
big hugs (and be safe… that’s the mother in me speaking)
xoxo
By: Carole on December 11, 2009
at 9:55 pm
Hey… that’s my drill. Mine isn’t pink… but you kinda spoiled it for me now. Don’t think I can feel quite as manly fixing things using it now that I know the options.
You’ll do great, I’m sure; your obviously a strong person. Just leaving home behind and moving to Playa takes a strong will. You actually remind me of our friend up here, also named Heather, who is feminine and yet a tomboy who will do any job she decides she wants to do. She worked construction for a couple of years and bought all pink tools… she loves pink, but it also helped keep the guys on the job sites from stealing her tools
By: Gregg on December 12, 2009
at 11:45 am