I have a little computer file where I save all of the search terms my stat tracker tells me that people have used to find my blog, but I’ve never been compelled to share any of them with you until now (some are sick, some are strange, all are disturbing in some way), but check this out:
country song to say goodbye to a trucker
Don’t be sad, Lurlene Sue. If you love something, set it free. if it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.
*Edited to add: I think we should all get together and write some country songs to say goodbye to a trucker. Please post your verses as comments, I will work on mine and get back to you asap.
That genre of music has amused me for a long time. The whole, “I love you, baby, but I’m a rambler – time for me to be movin’ on” thing… hysterical. Do the people that write those songs thing they’re fooling any chick that’s being dumped because the guy just got bored with her?
(cue music)
Now baby, wipe that teardrop from your eye.
You know I hate to see you cry.
You’re just as sweet as cherry pie,
But this old lone wolf’s got to fly!
It’s just the way I’s made, you see,
Babe, you’re better off without me.
Honey, if I come back through,
I’ll sure want some love from you.
Don’t forget your lone wolf, honey,
Hey, can I borrow some money?
You know I’d never do you wrong.
Love you, baby doll, so long!
By: thisbumpyjourney on November 26, 2008
at 9:46 am
Excellent, J.!! One from the point of view of the no-good, heartbreaking trucker. I love it.
By: heatherinparadise on November 26, 2008
at 9:54 am
Yes, I realized after I wrote it that we weren’t saying goodbye *to* the trucker, but hearing him *say* goodbye. I look forward to hearing the dumped lady’s responses…
By: thisbumpyjourney on November 26, 2008
at 10:00 am
I wish I knew how to quit you, rogue trucker!
By: heatherinparadise on November 26, 2008
at 10:02 am
This one I did not write, but it certainly deserves honorary mention!
Drive-By Truckers 18 Wheels of Love Lyrics:
Mama ran off with a trucker
Mama ran off with a trucker
Mama ran off with a trucker
Peterbilt Peterbilt
He is making her give life another stab
They can see the world from way up in the cab
Mama ran off with a trucker………..
Peterbilt Peterbilt
She can quit her job and be his little bride
He can get a local route and stay home by her side. She can fix him roast beast and sweet potato pie. He can eat a lot of it cuz he’s a big ole guy
They got married in Dollywood
(by a Porter Waggoner lookalike)
18 Wheels of Love
lyrics by Patterson Hood
music by Drive-by Truckers
By: Sara on November 26, 2008
at 10:04 am
You just made me snort coffee…
By: thisbumpyjourney on November 26, 2008
at 10:05 am
Another offshoot: the country song to say goodbye to my mama AND a trucker. We could do this all day…EXCELLENT!
By: heatherinparadise on November 26, 2008
at 10:07 am
My friend Kerri just wrote me on facebook to say she thought at first I was looking for country songs to say goodbye to a TURKEY. So we can write those songs, too.
By: heatherinparadise on November 26, 2008
at 10:08 am
the best line: “He can eat a lot of it cuz he’s a big ole guy.”
By: thisbumpyjourney on November 26, 2008
at 10:10 am
Well, I won’t miss muddy boots
at the foot of my bed
nor the farting while pulling
the covers over my head
And I don’t know who you’re foolin’
with your thin ponytail
And that hot rod mesh cap
you bought at Stuckey’s on sale
I’m not sad ‘cause you’re leavin’
I won’t lose sleep over your kiss
but I have to confess,
It’s your big rig I’ll miss.
By: heatherinparadise on November 26, 2008
at 10:29 am
That’s so awesome Heather. I tip my mesh trucker hat to you.
By: thisbumpyjourney on November 26, 2008
at 10:36 am
And here’s the beginning of my goodbye song to a turkey, with my compliments to Sir Elton John:
“Goodbye, Thomas Turkey, even though I never knew you at all, you had the gravy to baste yourself, while those around you dried out…”
By: heatherinparadise on November 26, 2008
at 10:46 am
Now what if the Trucker’s nickname is Turkey?
By: vanessa on November 26, 2008
at 11:06 am
I hear a big rig lumbering down the road
And I wonder if you’re part of its load
The 18 wheels that carried you away
Turn my once dry nose to snotty disarray.
I never did you wrong that I know
Made you deep fried meats with gravy and white rolls
Bought smokes by the carton, piled up high
Laughed my ass off at Larry the Cable Guy
So why’d ya leave me, Trucker?
You broke my heart, you MotherF**ker.
Yet I’m still Stuckeys like a pecan log for you;
Yes I’m Stuckeys like a pecan log for you.
By: charmarie221 on November 26, 2008
at 11:26 am
Aw man… I didn’t see Heather’s… I wanted to be the first with the Stuckey’s reference… now mine’s even more lame… as usual, Heather is Number One… sigh…..
By: charmarie221 on November 26, 2008
at 11:28 am
No WAY CHar!! Yours blows mine out of the mothertruckin’ water. I love the deep fried meats thing especially. Both literally and figuratively.
More, more. Can’t get enough.
By: heatherinparadise on November 26, 2008
at 11:32 am
For Vanessa:
If the Trucker’s name was Turkey
I sit here on Thanksgiving Day, without a word
With a fork plunged in the breast of one fat bird
I watched with glee as he roasted on the rack
The flesh that screamed and started to peel back
Cuz he broke my heart, that Turkey
So I’ve turned him into Jerky
And by doing it for a Thanksgiving meal
I killed two birds with one stone, I feel.
Vindicated and full, I am complete.
By: charmarie221 on November 26, 2008
at 11:42 am
Char, I am reminded of a line from William Blake…”Oh, Rose, thou art sick.” And hilarious, I might add.
By: heatherinparadise on November 26, 2008
at 11:48 am
I got the itch, you got it too
I must be traveling, I got it from you
By: Mogley on November 26, 2008
at 12:10 pm
You have a gift, Char: “So why’d ya leave me, Trucker?
You broke my heart, you MotherF**ker.”
And I was just getting warmed up:
“Truck Stop Girl”
I know where you’re headed, ain’t no news to me.
I know who you’re after, and she sure ain’t free.
You just a-tearin’ a path down Route Forty-Three
To see you sure–thing lover at the Busy Bee.
She’s a bleach blond, greasy, cheap-ass slut
Wearin’ tight acid wash and a-shakin’ her butt.
Them truck stop boys just cain’t get enough
Of that lot lizard mama and her discount love.
Well, I’m getting real sick of this lonely bed.
I need me some action to clear my head.
I want me a trucker, or two, or three
Gonna head down over to the Busy Bee.
I’ll be your wild haired honey, your truck stop girl
Gonna hop in your cab and gonna rock your world.
Them truck stop boys just won’t get enough
Of this lot lizard mama and my discount love.
By: Julie A. on November 26, 2008
at 12:15 pm
This has officially become my favorite blog post and set of comments ever to appear on HiP.
By: heatherinparadise on November 26, 2008
at 12:17 pm
Awesome Julie!!!! Lot lizard mama!!
By: charmarie221 on November 26, 2008
at 12:20 pm
I have to say it is a toss up between “Truck Stop Girl” and “I Won’t Miss Muddy Boots”…..awesome posts!
By: Sara on November 26, 2008
at 12:29 pm
and Cannibalism falls short yet again…..
By: charmarie221 on November 26, 2008
at 12:43 pm
Best I can do… think anyone will buy it from me?
A Trucker’s Thanksgiving Farewell
Thanks for nuthin
Take your friggin rig and go
Turkey’s in the oven
Why don’t you take it to your ho?
I’m just your slave
I wash your socks and wipe your butt
It’s her you crave
She ain’t seen nuthin but your strut
You’re just a trucker
Not a saint and not a god
She’s a sucker
You two can haul it down the road
I’m done pretendin’
There’s a reason to give thanks
So take the turkey
Then you can stuff it up your tank
By: Susie Q Roo on November 26, 2008
at 12:48 pm
Yay, Susie! I love “take your friggin rig and go.”
By: heatherinparadise on November 26, 2008
at 12:57 pm
My favorite is the first verse:
Thanks for nuthin
Take your friggin rig and go
Turkey’s in the oven
Why don’t you take it to your ho?
High five, Susie!
By: thisbumpyjourney on November 26, 2008
at 1:52 pm
This is absolutely hilarious. My boss is a former trucker and some of this fits him to a tee
By: Bluberry on November 27, 2008
at 8:03 pm