Yesterday wound up being worse weather-wise than when Dolly was passing right over us. It rained sporadically all day, and the winds kicked up. This is what I call “good sleepin’” weather, and since it was just about 73 degrees, I needed to sleep with a blanket. Yay! Unfortunately I woke up at 4 am and couldn’t get back to sleep, so here I am at 6.30 am writing a blog. Because I live an exciting life, people.
Warning about living here: Storms, lots of rain, and cool weather = bugs, lizards, scorpions, snakes, you name it, entering your home without permission.
Last night getting ready for bed, I put a glass of water on my nightstand and hopped into the shower. I got out, wrapped a towel around me, and noticed my dog, Vinnie, snapping at a few small gnats or flies that had clustered in the hallway. I didn’t think anything of it, until I walked into my bedroom and found thousands millions of horrible, tiny, winged little creatures crawling all over the floor, covering the bed, swarming through the air. My glass of water had become a glass of small, drowned carcasses.
I am not even lying. One second I’m relaxed and feeling fresh and clean, and the next second I’m all Tippi Hedren from The Birds. Only the birds were really, really small. And were, you know, gnats. (This just reminded me of a joke I made last week when M. and I were watching The Birds. I can’t remember now what the lead-in was, but the punchline was Osama Bird Laden. I know it’s not cool to think your own jokes are funny, but damn. That shit was funny.)
When I was finished utterly freaking out, I hollered for M. and we beat the unholy beasts into submission and drove them from our house. The power of Raid compelled them.
Praise the Raid goddess!
By: Mimi on July 22, 2008
at 10:39 am
Yesterday and last night were totally unexpected. It felt like we were underwater. We even had water running down the interior walls at one point. Damn, gotta find that leak now. I know what you mean though. Every creature that lives in the bushes by the beach or in the grass tries to come crawling or flying into the house. Yuk. After our first Hurricane, Ivan, we had snakes galore everywhere…even a boa constrictor!
By: wayne on July 22, 2008
at 2:54 pm
I love that – “all Tippi Hedren”. Describes me to a “T” in any critter-related situation. I’m also a huge advocate of Raid. It’s like a security blanket. I’ve been known to empty entire cans on one spider.
Once I had a lady bug infestation in my bedroom. It’s like gnats or hormigitas – one or two, not so bad. 4,000? BAD. REALLY BAD.
By: Joyce on July 22, 2008
at 8:01 pm
I love the Tippie picture! Yes, even here in Oregon Raid rocks! I get those little ants in my kitchen usually every spring and I take turns spraying the different counters they swarm on.
By: Jackie on July 22, 2008
at 8:14 pm
You just keep getting better and better, lady.
By: Caroline on July 22, 2008
at 8:21 pm
I think I prefer one scorpion in the househould to all those little bugs and flies. How about yourself?
By: Elizabeth on July 23, 2008
at 12:18 am
LOL! By the power of Raid I have the power!
In typing the He-Man reference I just realized that He-Man is linguistically lame- I mean talk about redundant, but he did have a hot bod for a cartoon- I’m just sayin’!
By: lisaloveloca on July 23, 2008
at 10:00 am
Elizabeth: I don’t know, man. The creepiness factor for scorpions is pretty high for me. Even when they’re dead I have nightmares about them for weeks afterward.
Lisa: I watched He-Man, of course, but he never did it for me. His arms were just freakishly muscled and it looked like they were just attached to his body with poster putty or something. Like they might fall off at any minute. Now, let’s talk about his sword. No intentional double meaning. Really.
By: heatherinparadise on July 23, 2008
at 10:04 am