Strawberries are precious here, and rarely perfect. The plastic bins of them are picked through and often rotted, since strawberries are incredibly extravagant and a rare treat for most people. They have either been picked through and eaten on the spot by poor people who would never get a chance otherwise to taste them, or they’re soft and moldy, since no one is willing or able to pay their going price.
I bought a pint of strawberries in the market the other day because I was feeling defiant and carefree and fuck my life if I can’t afford some goddamned strawberries. I let them sit in my crisper bin for 2 days because I’m a lazy, “rich” bitch who doesn’t know how good she has it.
Tonight when I went to disinfect, clean, and hull these strawberries, I found nearly every berry afflicted with a bruise, or a moldy soft spot. At first I tried separating those I would normally throw out and those I would eat, but I soon realized that in my old life I’d have chucked the whole lot. And so all but 3 were saved from the garbage bin. I cut off their bruised spots, halved them, and combined them with kiwi, lime juice, and honey for a dessert worthy of ancient gods that no one still worships. No one has ever tasted a strawberry like those I tasted tonight.
The strawberry is a remarkable thing. Nearly everyone loves it, unless they are silly or allergic. As I was washing the dishes, the soapy bowl that had only moments before held the strawberries FLEW out of my hands, crashed to the floor and broke into about 816 shards.
That bowl, did it know? Did it know that the last thing it would hold would be strawberries? Glorious, rare, expensive strawberries? No. No. How could it know? It might have been oatmeal or Raisin Bran it held before I dropped it. It could have been chopped onion waiting for a stir fry. It might have been refried beans or peanut butter.
As I watched Michael sweeping the shards of that ordinary, orange-and-yellow ringed bowl, I wondered…what would be my legacy, if I died right now? At this very second. Would I be remembered as the woman who made the pasta carbonara that Michael loved? Would you remember me as that loud bar girl wearing overalls and a bad hairdo, did I make you feel appreciated at all, would you stop for one second on a May day and give thanks for my existence? Did I ever show you how unbelievably great YOU are and how lucky I have felt to know you?
Because if I didn’t, I am not better than those strawberries, I can’t live up to their promise. And I want to be as valuable as strawberries, damn it. That is what I’m fucking after. But I’ll settle for being the bowl that once held those strawberries, even if it kills me. Oh yes, I’ll settle.
Awww, you’re worth a big bowl of red, juicy, run down your chin, strawberries any day! mmmmmm strawberries… maybe even a little whipped cream too!
I quoted you today when I read in our newspaper about a woman in Abbotsford (a half hour from here, about to give birth to #18 in July). Erin enjoyed the clown car reference!
By: Bev on May 15, 2008
at 11:47 pm
Bev, you’re such a cool person, I’m so glad I got a chance to meet you.
And I can’t take credit for the clown car thing, that was all Dennis Miller. Bless him
And bless you. And Erin,too.
P.S. I saw a VH 1 thing the other day about Led Zeppelin and saw ERIN’S bracelet!!! How dare he copy her! (she really needs to send him a photo of that!)
By: heatherinparadise on May 15, 2008
at 11:55 pm
You, to me, are far more valuable than a pint of strawberries. Even a strawberry farm. You have all too often shown me how much you appreciate me, I have only that to live up to.
I had plain strwberries yesterday. They are just getting really good here at the grocery. I threw two big containers of them away tuesday because i am a lazt rich woman. HA! Rich in friends….and strawberries. (sorry)
By: Amy on May 16, 2008
at 7:01 am
why am I a quilt pattern?
By: Amy on May 16, 2008
at 7:01 am
Glad you bought the strawberries & enjoyed every moment of them. Life is too short to put everything off all the time. And the small moments are what we will all remember. As for you, I would remember a person who stayed true to her dream of living where she wanted and doing it with humour & class (well, most of the time
, we all need to forget our manners once in a while)!!!
By: Jackie on May 16, 2008
at 7:48 am
wonderful sentiment
By: pres on May 16, 2008
at 7:56 am
Awww- Babe, no worries your a FRESA for sure *giggles*
Seriously, you must know how much you touch the lives of others by just trying to be a good person, appreciating politeness (you do; you told me!), and by sharing so much of yourself with us, that we feel empowered to do the same on the net and off.
I would think of you on May Day- as I ding-dong-ditch and leave a basket of flowers for someone I barely even know and dance around a May pole (git yer mind out of the gutter) with garland, in your honor.
Besos Chiquita in overalls!
By: lisaloveloca on May 16, 2008
at 9:16 am
I just threw out a 1/2 pint of strawberries…now I feel bad, but they weren;t that great looking when I bought them a week ago and I had just bought new beautifull looking ones. I don’t think straberries will ever taste the same
By: Jillian on May 16, 2008
at 9:18 am
Amy: you’re Thompson’s Berry Farm, for sure.
Jackie: aww, thanks. But wait…when I have I ever lost my manners?!? Ha ha.
Pres: HI, honey…good to see you here.
Lisa: No, YOU’RE a FRESA…silly rabbit. Thanks…we should go ding-dong-ditch around town someday soon.
Jillian: I think if I had access to perfect-looking strawberries I might make that choice myself, but here I have to relearn all the time how important it is that I learn to be happy with what I’ve got, or can get.
By: heatherinparadise on May 16, 2008
at 9:45 am
I buy frozen. It’s the only way to go around here….
And yes, you are special and you don’t rot like strawberries. You are like a bronzed strawberry in fact…that never goes bad. How’s that?
By: Elizabeth on May 16, 2008
at 9:46 am
It’s funny how we touch lives without really knowing or understanding the impact. You try to keep your kindness and vulnerability hidden behind a gruff exterior, but your true heart shines through and lights a path all should follow. I would compare you more to a Granny Smith apple…crisp and delicious. You delight every time I see you. (now stop gagging and go kiss Michael for cleaning up your mess!)
By: wayne on May 16, 2008
at 4:40 pm
all I can say is thats a mitey fine pic of strawberries there…….drool drool……
By: mothra on May 16, 2008
at 8:09 pm
To be a strawberry… easily bruised, wearing your most vulnerable parts on the outside for all to see, unafraid to sport spiky green hair, AND you smell good… Oh yeah, definitely a strawberry… you don’t have to settle. Ever.
By: charmarie221 on May 16, 2008
at 8:10 pm
You know you are. Just go back to the post on beauty and you will have to know how brilliant you are. Even if you vanished today I will always remember that post and this one and remember YOU.
Nancy @ countdowntomexico.blogspot.com
By: blackdogblog on May 16, 2008
at 9:13 pm
Elizabeth: the frozen berries, those are what I would use if I ate ice cream, which I sadly no longer eat. And the thing is, I’m not special, no more than anyone is. My goal is to be special by helping other people to recognize their own uniqueness. God, do I sound like a cornball. But there it is.
Wayne: Fuck you, you made me cry. Shit.
Mama: Those are some mighty fine strazzleberries, aren’t they?
Char: You are so frickin’ observant, profound, witty, and sensitive. How did I ever get so lucky as to count you among my friends?
Nancy: You know what? We don’t really know each other, but I’ve read your blog for months. And you just made me cry, too. Now you are doomed, because we are going to be friends, I know it.
By: heatherinparadise on May 16, 2008
at 11:35 pm
I ate strawberries for breakfast every single day before I got ‘sick’. After that two month period when I couldn’t eat anything I came back to strawberries only to find that they now made liquid come out of every opening in my body. One of the saddest realizations in my life. Kind of like when your bowl shattered.
By: Jerry on May 17, 2008
at 11:38 am
Frozen all the way baby. I ate a bag of them almost every day while pregnant! The pediatrician here warned us NOT to eat the local strawberries, you don’t want to know what he said was all over them. And yes, sometimes I look and try to find good ones, but it’s just too hard to find a good batch. I will only buy them if they are from California (really, the doctor put a good scare in me about Mexican strawberries). But yes, mostly frozen around here.
Now, what I would do for some fresh blueberries!!!!
By: CancunCanuck on May 18, 2008
at 6:25 am
Life is uncertain eat your dessert first Strawberry shortcake,Strawberry dacqueries, cheesecake yummy. Grandma says at Grandmas you can eat dessert for breakfast. Maddy had a lameo boyfriend We may need your talent to take him out, Think aboutit.
By: Grandma on May 19, 2008
at 12:27 am
Heather,
That was an excellent piece. I read each paragraph twice. Nice work.
See you soon.
By: James on May 19, 2008
at 9:13 am
I am going to buy you so many strawberries when you come in September! I will feed them to you, and make strawberry smoothies for us, and we will find some unlucky bar with a blender to make us strawberry daquiri’s!
By: Martina on May 19, 2008
at 7:01 pm