Fortunately I didn’t rely on either Mimi or Rob’s promised wake-up call, waking up on my own at 7.30 am. Deadbeats.

I arrived to the golf-cart place 15 minutes earlier than our scheduled meeting time to find NO ONE ELSE there. Seems some of my blogger compatriots had taken a bit too much medicine the night before.

I sat down on the curb to wait for my sleepy and hungover new friends. All of a sudden, this cute little brown and white street dog was at my side.

As I petted the cute little brown and white guy and baby-talked at him, his big yellow buddy with the collar appeared in front of me, then lifted his leg and pissed on me. YES, people, I got PISSED ON by a dog before I’d even had my morning coffee.

Fortunately, he was able to cut off mid-stream when I yelled at him and pushed him away, so only my lower right leg and foot were soaked. I’m pretty open-minded and all, but I draw the line at golden showers, so you can just FORGET about ever dating me, Mr. Rude Dog.

I stepped/squished back to my room to change my shoes and boil my leg real quick, and by the time I got back we were just about ready to head out on our golf cart tour of the island.

Gringo in Paradise Wayne and Tacoboy Paul

Paul and Rob. Rob was feeling a bit, uh, rough.

Flat Stanley, a guest of Tacogirl Laurie. He didn’t have much to say for himself, but he seemed pleasant enough. No ass to speak of at all.

Flat Stanley did seem to attract the lovely ladies. Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.

Somehow it was decided that I was the safest and most reliable driver for the golf cart I shared with Cancun Canuck, Loca Lisa, and Mexico Way Elizabeth. We sang camp songs and I hit as many potholes as possible. Incidentally, do you have any idea how hard it is to tip over a golf cart? Believe me, I know, and it wasn’t for lack of trying.

Wayne’s cart led the caravan, and he took us out to see this house.

2.5 million dollars just doesn’t go as far as it used to, does it?

Then Wayne showed us his secret overlook.

Then we went to a turtle farm! I Wike Turtles!

Awww, turtle BFFs!

I’m pretty sure this is the guy I was looking at when I muttered, “Boy, you’d sure make some gorgeous jewelry,” and Elizabeth told me SHUTUP!

Lisa, showing me her game-show hostess moves

Michele and Rob. It’s the weirdest thing, from the very start of the weekend, I felt like I’d known them for years.

Wayne was gracious enough to show us his house. Boy, that ladder must be treacherous at night after a few beers!

Mimi, enjoying the view.

Jonna, threatening to kick my ass for taking her picture.

Elizabeth, showing us with hand signals the number of nipples she has

I love this pic of Paul and Laurie.

Then we headed to Punta Sur, where Mexico allegedly ends. Gorgeous spot, too bad about the litter. Makes me so mad.

Don’t throw rocks at the iguanas and birds! Care for them!

It’s like all beautiful here and shit.

Wayne, eating a Mexican Ice Cream of a Different Flavor.

Snobby iguana, with his nose all up in the air

Isn’t she so cute? I had to pinch her to make her look at me.

It’s like all beautiful here and shit.

We were hungry after all the site-seeing, so headed to the wonderful lunch spot that Wayne had picked. Stay tuned, folks, we’ll be back after these brief messages.