Heather in Paradise

When I was a younger girl, I was always in love with the characters in movies and television shows that were supposedly the “underdogs.” They were usually portrayed to be the “anti-hero” in that they were not considered to be desirable or conventionally attractive by their peers. They were also the guys who were sensitive, shy, and intelligent. They “got” stuff, but had a hard time getting the girl. Two examples I can think of are Brian Krakow from “My So-Called Life” and Lloyd Dobler from “Say Anything.”

I’ve been thinking about this for the last few days and I’ve come to realize that one of my biggest regrets is that despite my true affinity for guys like Brian Krakow, I didn’t date Brian Krakow. I didn’t have the strength of character to get past social conventions or face down the crap I’d have gotten from friends. And I was just a young jerk, I guess, and thought the Jordan Catalanos of the world were more interesting (and he’s not a really good example, since he wasn’t such a bad guy, either, but you know what I mean).

I think the best thing about being my age is that jerks don’t stand a chance with me anymore. I like to think that now I’d immediately recognize a Brian Krakow or a Lloyd Dobler when I saw him. And I’d love the hell out of him, if he’d have me.